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Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Misc Joke

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your

remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips

into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"


53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Health News

Health News

Weight worries
Emotional eaters have the hardest time with weight loss.

Shot at prevention
Record 103 million flu vaccines have been distributed in the U.S.

Music's message
One-third of top country songs have references to alcohol, drugs.

Brain food
Eating fish may improve cognitive performance, study finds.

Weight worries
Emotional eaters have the hardest time with weight loss.

Weight Loss News
Dieting hardest for emotional eaters: study Reuters - Fri Nov 9, 9:24 AM ET
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Emotional eaters -- people who eat when they are lonely or blue -- tend to lose the least amount of weight and have the hardest time keeping it off, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.

Being fat is still unhealthy, experts warn Reuters - Thu Nov 8, 8:59 AM ET
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Being overweight may not kill you, but it could lead to obesity, U.S. health experts cautioned on Wednesday in response to research suggesting that being a bit heavy does not raise the risk of death.

Atkins Diet Can Raise Heart Risks HealthDay - Tue Nov 6, 11:45 PM ET
TUESDAY, Nov. 6 (HealthDay News) -- The high-fat, high-protein and low-carbohydrate Atkins diet may put practitioners at risk for heart disease in as little as one month, a new study suggests.
Obesity Leaves More Americans With Physical Limitations HealthDay - Tue

Health News

HealthDay News -- If you're one of the millions of Americans carrying excess weight, a pair of new studies has good news and bad news for you. It turns out that a little extra weight may not shorten your life but may make it harder to perform everyday activities as you get older.

Obesity found to lead to disability Reuters - Tue Nov 6, 7:28 PM ET
CHICAGO (Reuters) - An increasingly aging U.S. population is faced with growing obesity-related problems ranging from disabilities to chronic kidney disease, researchers said on Tuesday.
Sexual Health News
EU Socialists petition for tax cut on condoms Reuters - Thu Nov 8, 1:54 PM ET
BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Aiming to combat AIDS by cutting the cost of safe sex, the European Parliament's Socialist group launched a campaign on Thursday to press EU governments to cut sales tax on condoms.
Women in Nepal mail condoms to husbands - Women in a Nepal mountain village have been mailing condoms to their husbands working overseas to protect them from sexually transmitted diseases, a news report said Tuesday.
Indonesia to launch first-ever national condom campaign AFP - Tue Nov 6, 12:20 PM ET
JAKARTA (AFP) - Indonesia is to launch its first-ever national campaign to promote condom use to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS, officials said Tuesday.
High Dose Radiation for Prostate Cancer Won't Raise Sexual Dysfunction
HealthDay - Tue Oct 30, 11:45 PM ET
TUESDAY, Oct. 30 (HealthDay News) -- Among prostate cancer patients undergoing a high-tech form of radiation therapy, exposure to a higher amount of radiation over a shorter time span poses no added risk for impaired sexual function, new research reveals.

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Personal Care Home

Personal Care Home

Personal care homes, although licensed and monitored by Saskatchewan Health, are privately owned and operated. Personal Care Homes must operate in accordance with:
The Personal Care Homes Act;
The Personal Care Home Regulations; and
The Licensees’ Handbook.

A home must be licensed as a personal care home if it provides accommodation, meals and assistance or supervision with activities of daily living to an adult aged 18 and older who is not a relative. Facilities licensed under other forms of legislation do not have to be licensed under The Personal Care Homes Act.

Personal care homes may care for one resident or for many residents. The personal care home licensee sets this fee and the resident pays the full cost of their own care.
People do not have to demonstrate need to be admitted to a personal care home, but rather are admitted because the resident chooses that service option.

The type of care provided in personal care homes varies from home to home. While personal care homes usually accommodate individuals with lighter care needs, some personal care homes do provide care to persons with heavier care needs (e.g. palliative, etc). In either case, the personal care home is responsible to provide safe and adequate care to each resident in their home, which includes accessing the services of a health care professional (e.g. nurse, doctor, etc.) when required.

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